surprise!

i haven't been feeling all that hot, lately. it's pretty much related to lifestyle and stress, if you want to call what i go though "stress". but my neck and shoulders and the tiny little threads that shoot up into my head hurt. and i've been getting more and more headaches. it's a combination of old age, and just plain ol' not taking very good care of myself. and, being a bitch, i complain.

so girly girl, bless her soul, decided to give me an early christmas gift. a sooprise, if you will. she told me to be ready, not to make plans, told me to dress comfortably, and drove my ass over to eastlake. now, here's what i was hoping my surprise would be; an unanticipated visit from pedro and a nice breakfast. pedro ain't coming home for the holidays. no dice. what i got instead, was a visit to a spa, where i would be getting a professional massage.

i'm not really one for massages. i have odd issues, which is no surprise to anyone around me. i'm not automatically comfortable with strangers hands upon me, though i can work with it. i'm not a fan of the whole dribbling water and "new dimensions" style music that loops on the cd players of massage therapists, nor do i care for aromatherapy, so spa/studio spaces put me off a bit. my real issue though, is in the lube. i hate... hate... feeling oily. it's an aversion i've had since i was a child. oily, sticky, slimy... all reasons to get in the shower. quickly.

so, fuckin' a. surprise! yeah, girly girl would love an unexpected and free massage. me... i have to be delicate here. my lady is trying so hard to help me feel better, to do something for me that i would never do for myself. gotta love that, right? so it's time for the game face. i know that it will be certainly more good then bad, but as soon as i understand what i'm in for, it's all i can do to start thinking about when it's going to be over. i'm treating it like a trauma. "i can get through this... i can get through this..." i've got the wrong attitude. i also can't do a damn thing about it.

but i do it anyway. and it's really not that bad, but it's really not all that great either, which is a drag. i feel good for about 40 minutes afterwards and honestly post-all-that no different than had i skipped the whole shebang. i think the only way i could really get into the healing rub is if i had it done daily. but then again, my body is a mystery to me. i don't feel alone in that assessment. i was fortunate enough to have been born with a body that required little attention, i eat what tastes yummy, and rarely do any crazy high-impact activity, and yet i still stay thin and coltish, and frequently like i just woke up. i used to be able to skate all day and drank all night, but i'm just fatigued nowadays, and for the first time in my life, i think i might just have to work a little at all this.